March 04, 2017

the Professor calls this a milestone and lemme tell y’all something this is a milestone all right: I’ve lowkey stopped caring about punctuation and capitalization and all the other -ations. #CharacterDevelopment

but looking at what he needs us to do, i can understand why this post is considered a milestone. we have to think of a legit pitch now for our final output. And im not gonna lie, im kinda ???? excited ???

ok so first things first: Title

I really hope that the title can be changed later on because what’s really going on in my head right now is “Confessions. Plain and simple.

Next up: Abstract. 150-250 words. Okay. Okay.

Confessions will become an installation that aims to blend two topics which I believe to be volatile in their own right: religion and sexuality. It will aim to revive and project the level of discomfort I’d felt during the times I went to confess my sins and didn’t feel any better afterward. I aim to replicate the emotion, the insecurity I felt in the presence of a supposedly omniscient God that lacked a voice (which altogether forms a completely different reality of the sacrament) through fifteen poems. These poems will be pre-recorded and scattered throughout pews in strategic locations to mimic the travel of the 14 Stations of the Cross. The participants will be asked to kneel and may bring their own earphones to listen to the recording. The flow of participants will be moderated by an actor dressed up like a priest. Actors dressed in the garb of clergymen will watch over the participants as they listen to the poems.

I will be waiting by the exit, and participants may approach me and talk to me about what they felt about the installation. Participants also have the choice of buying the poems. They will come in the form of a small pocket prayer book.

Next up is Framework and holy shit I can’t tell the difference between them, even though my professor just talked about this, like, yesterday.

I think it has something to do with justifying the work. Why an installation? Why set it here? i think i should like do my best to try and answer all these things here???

thats literally more than nothing.

The experience will most likely begin with the participant, which from here I’ll call Shaneequa, pulling up in front of the church. The very facade of the church is in itself an image that lends meaning to its own self. Shaneequa “quiets” herself down, out of respect of this sacred house. The installation wouldn’t really interfere with the atmosphere of the church. If anything, I believe the installation’s surface appearance would enhance the supposed “sacred atmosphere”.

15 poems. 14 stations. The first poem will initiate the experience. This will mimic the 14 Stations of the Cross. Catholic reasoning behind why people pray the Stations of the Cross states that this aims to accomplish a sense of immersion into the mystery of God’s love, as physicalized by the sacrifice of Jesus, His son. 15 prayers to make us feel His love. 15 poems that I aim to accomplish the exact opposite. It would be the most delicious form of subversion, bordering on the perversion of a sacrament.

On a practical level, the clergymen will serve to make sure that people don’t tamper with the devices holding the poetry. But why clergymen? Why not just men in civilian attire? My answer to these questions lies in the setting. Man doesn’t bend at the waist of his fellow man. Man bends at the waist of a god. And is not the clergyman a sort of officiated earthly servant of God? Do they not demand compliance and obedience from their flock? In the house of God, are they not the panopticon?

These clergymen will stand over you while you listen to these poems. I’m sure you will feel discomfort hearing things that don’t belong in a confession. This will be a projection of my own experience. The gay Christian, forced to hear over and over again, and feel over and over again that what I’m feeling isn’t normal. And knowing that what I’m feeling isn’t normal, and confessing it under the watchful gaze of a clergyman… you can imagine my discomfort.

For me, poetry is the art of the image. If there was ever a craft that I thought best represents how my trains of thought process emotion, it would be poetry. I think in images. I could think of no better way to project and express a specific emotion than through poetry.

I mentioned earlier that participants can purchase the poems, which will come in the form of a small prayer book. Prayer books exist to guide someone through the experience of a ritual. This ritual can be the rosary, the Angelus, the 3 o’clock Prayer. Any solemn ceremony consisting of certain actions performed in a prescribed order is a ritual. My poems will come in the form of a prayer book to further emphasize the presence of a ritualistic aspect of this installation.

omfg next up Methodology

Output: there’s gonna be a progression of outputs before the entire installation can like come together. the imagery of the poems would come from a completely different context not necessarily related to religion or the church.

  • Preferred venues include Parish of the Holy Sacrifice (located within the UP Diliman campus) and the Church of the Gesu (within ADMU).
  • Venue will be reserved through correspondence.
  • the installation will not disturb the initial layout of the venue.
  • written poems will be recorded via a really nice recorder ??? audio will then be distributed to the phones of the “clergymen”, who will guard the Stations.
  • the poems within the prayer book will be handled personally.
  • the prayer book will be printed and bound by local presses for cheaper prices.
  • actors playing the role of clergymen will be picked out from an open call.
  • costumes will be commissioned from local tailors for cheaper prices. upon open call for actors, accepted applicants will be asked for their sizes for the garb.

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh so much log stuff i can’t even. okok next Method of Data Collection

  • method of data collection will take the form of pictures documenting the writing process, pic and clips of me interacting with people relevant to the project, clips of the recording sessions, pics of the venue.
  • during the event itself, I plan to call in personal favors to photograph the installation and the participants. should people approach me, I will ask them if they’re open to taking a picture with me lmao
  • documentation will be uploaded in an Instagram account! I will be personally managing this.

im so fucking overwhelmed. hhh last but not least the Process and Timeline

  • from March 13 to 31, here’s my plan of attack:screen-shot-2017-03-04-at-8-55-33-pm*the timeslots are irrelevant. just the days. seeing all of it distributed calmed me down a little bit.
  • Materials to be needed:
    • Actors (via an open call)
    • poems
    • a printing press (or like a place where I can have the poems printed and bound)
    • clerical outfits
    • priest outfit
    • camera phone/camera/video camera (to document the experience)
    • IG account!!!
  • Schedule for the actors on the day of the exhibit itself (which will be in the last week of March–final day/s are yet to be specified on in accordance with the venue) will be discussed at the meeting on March 20.

wow this was a fucking rollercoaster im shooker than San Andreas smh

im still excited tho!!!! just a lot more nervous and a LOT more overwhelmed.

It’s 9:06 P.M. A nap sounds good right about now tbh


12 thoughts on “March 04, 2017

  1. Urgent thing: do approach these places ASAP and ask them if they’re open to the project. I’m a bit worried, because they might not be to keen on it, esp. with the complete set of people dressed in priestly attire, etc.. So do think of back-ups already, or other possibilities that can also be critical. For example, I’m thinking of the chapel in Gonzaga, and there are multiple places around it (the bench in the garden, waiting area for cars that will pick-up, sakayan ng tricycle) where you can do this same “holy” intervention /right outside/ the holy place itself, and not being required to ask for permission since you’re technically /outside/. Do update me via email regularly! I’m eager to see this work.


    Liked by 1 person

  2. The concept is certainly unique. Will your poems be like your #Thirst Poetry, mixing sensuous imagery with romantic prose? That would DEFINITELY add to the contrast between religion and sexuality.

    Also, regarding the venue of your installation, the Chapel of the Immaculate Conception in Gonzaga Hall could work. It’s a smaller space compared to the Church of the Gesu on campus and might be easier to secure. But, if you plan for your installation to be big and have a lot of participants, contact the necessary people ASAP like Sir said.

    That being said, I love your concept and I’m looking forward to trying out the installation when it’s out 🙂


    1. Thank you! Im actually yet to find out WHO i can even talk to about reserving the Gesu lmao

      some poems would probably be like my #3stPoetry !! but like my poetry’s evolved a lot since i started the hashtag lmao but like i think my poems could be something along those lines nga–mixing sensuous imagery with romantic prose ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Migs hello, haha

    The idea itself is a good one already, your reasons for doing this project also compells me to see and witness this installation of yours. Firstly, the perfect term, I think, for Shaneequa as she “quiets” down is disposition. It’s when one disposed oneself in the presence of the Lord. Secondly, I don’t exactly know the rules but I hope you know what’s at stake when trying your actors will be portraying priests; considering that you will do this in a Church. Question: what’s your reason for making 15 poems instead of 14? Why put a “starter” poem? Last question: does your participants need to have a certain sexuality to be part of your installation? I would like to know if this is a relevant factor to your work because as I understood it, you want them to know how you feel, what if they also feel what you feel regardless sexuality?
    Last last question: do you think the 3 weeks is enough for this?
    Above all, i love your idea and your train of thought. Sobrang ikaw ang blog posts mo. haha. Good luck migs! Tell me more! (parang gusto ko marinig confessions mo) hahah


    1. hi bes! omg ok let me try to answer your comments one at a time ❤


      2. I guess I already had some semblance of just how much Im shaking things up by having non-ordained men wear the garbs of priest, but i didn't really thin much about it at first. Hearing someone else be concerned brings that issue again to the forefront. Thinking about it now, my reason kind of lies in the personal symbolism i hold against men of the cloth. like: "Look at these men, of whom I've given power over me, to judge me, just because they wear the cloth and tell me im a sinner." And then we have these unordained men silently "judging" the participants who are listening to my poetry. does this help?

      3. fifteen poems because when i did my research, before starting with the Stations themselves people like pray the Act of Contrition or smth to kick off the sequence. so like the first poem would also in a way kick off the journey. a metaphorical toe dip into a metaphorical baptismal font, if you will

      4. Participants don't have to have a certain sexual orientation. I believe that this other reality to confession is universal. At one point or another, people's spiritual concerns have been brushed off. "Pray it off nlng bes one Our Father, three Hail Marys one Glory Be" If they felt what I felt, then they have been successfully exposed to the other reality of this sacrament. My installation has achieved its goal.

      5. im pushing na kaya siya in 3 weeks! the hard things lang talaga are the venue and the actors and the promotions (WHICH NGAYON KO LANG NAISIP HOLY SHIT)

      thank you so much bes. your insight has meant the world to me ❤ GOOD LUCK SA ART MO 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Hello! cool I got u too hahahaha! Your pitch is super interesting and I love the technicalities of what you would like to achieve. As mention in previous comments, be prepared nalang on all the logistics and the backlash you may get from pursuing a topic that involves a big institute. In my understanding, the church/chapel is a sacred place, which I acknowledge is part of the point you are trying to address, but regardless, your project may violate the purpose of the space so it will be hard to get respective people on board. Maybe consider alternatives that may also recreate the atmosphere you want like a confessional box or something, just as a back up plan.
    Love the intent and the background of the project though, and I really feel the personal stake. I hope you succeed, best of luck 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks! I’m actually also concerned only with the lack of response it would get. Like i kinda knew that i would be violating that “sacred” space, but like my reasoning when i thought of this pitch at the time was that who assigned sanctity to this space? didn’t this space only become sacred through social intervention?

      I thought of making my own confessional booths actually at first,but like cw = creative writing not construction worker and idk people who can help me out there for free huhu

      Thanks for this comment bes! ❤


  5. I love the idea behind this. Tbh it makes sense to put it into a sacred place. I think confessions and prayers are revelations of truth, rather than just a mere path to holiness – and your poems reveal the truth you’ve experienced, so I like the setting you had in mind. But like what sir said, if logistics fail, I think it’s enough to have it situated somewhere within the vicinity, or somewhere with a visible holy place/monument near. (The costumes would be a pretty difficult task, since there are no alternatives if you want to go for the immersive atmosphere. Good luck!)

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I think UP co-op has tailoring and binding services offered at low prices, try to check it out to see if it suits your needs.
    And there’s a place in between Sec-A and cov courts with benches if none of the other venues give permission. Car noise may interrupt the recording though.
    I hope everything in your work goes well!


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