the Professor calls this a milestone and lemme tell y’all something this is a milestone all right: I’ve lowkey stopped caring about punctuation and capitalization and all the other -ations. #CharacterDevelopment
but looking at what he needs us to do, i can understand why this post is considered a milestone. we have to think of a legit pitch now for our final output. And im not gonna lie, im kinda ???? excited ???
ok so first things first: Title
I really hope that the title can be changed later on because what’s really going on in my head right now is “Confessions”. Plain and simple.
Next up: Abstract. 150-250 words. Okay. Okay.
Confessions will become an installation that aims to blend two topics which I believe to be volatile in their own right: religion and sexuality. It will aim to revive and project the level of discomfort I’d felt during the times I went to confess my sins and didn’t feel any better afterward. I aim to replicate the emotion, the insecurity I felt in the presence of a supposedly omniscient God that lacked a voice (which altogether forms a completely different reality of the sacrament) through fifteen poems. These poems will be pre-recorded and scattered throughout pews in strategic locations to mimic the travel of the 14 Stations of the Cross. The participants will be asked to kneel and may bring their own earphones to listen to the recording. The flow of participants will be moderated by an actor dressed up like a priest. Actors dressed in the garb of clergymen will watch over the participants as they listen to the poems.
I will be waiting by the exit, and participants may approach me and talk to me about what they felt about the installation. Participants also have the choice of buying the poems. They will come in the form of a small pocket prayer book.
Next up is Framework and holy shit I can’t tell the difference between them, even though my professor just talked about this, like, yesterday.
thats literally more than nothing.
The experience will most likely begin with the participant, which from here I’ll call Shaneequa, pulling up in front of the church. The very facade of the church is in itself an image that lends meaning to its own self. Shaneequa “quiets” herself down, out of respect of this sacred house. The installation wouldn’t really interfere with the atmosphere of the church. If anything, I believe the installation’s surface appearance would enhance the supposed “sacred atmosphere”.
15 poems. 14 stations. The first poem will initiate the experience. This will mimic the 14 Stations of the Cross. Catholic reasoning behind why people pray the Stations of the Cross states that this aims to accomplish a sense of immersion into the mystery of God’s love, as physicalized by the sacrifice of Jesus, His son. 15 prayers to make us feel His love. 15 poems that I aim to accomplish the exact opposite. It would be the most delicious form of subversion, bordering on the perversion of a sacrament.
On a practical level, the clergymen will serve to make sure that people don’t tamper with the devices holding the poetry. But why clergymen? Why not just men in civilian attire? My answer to these questions lies in the setting. Man doesn’t bend at the waist of his fellow man. Man bends at the waist of a god. And is not the clergyman a sort of officiated earthly servant of God? Do they not demand compliance and obedience from their flock? In the house of God, are they not the panopticon?
These clergymen will stand over you while you listen to these poems. I’m sure you will feel discomfort hearing things that don’t belong in a confession. This will be a projection of my own experience. The gay Christian, forced to hear over and over again, and feel over and over again that what I’m feeling isn’t normal. And knowing that what I’m feeling isn’t normal, and confessing it under the watchful gaze of a clergyman… you can imagine my discomfort.
For me, poetry is the art of the image. If there was ever a craft that I thought best represents how my trains of thought process emotion, it would be poetry. I think in images. I could think of no better way to project and express a specific emotion than through poetry.
I mentioned earlier that participants can purchase the poems, which will come in the form of a small prayer book. Prayer books exist to guide someone through the experience of a ritual. This ritual can be the rosary, the Angelus, the 3 o’clock Prayer. Any solemn ceremony consisting of certain actions performed in a prescribed order is a ritual. My poems will come in the form of a prayer book to further emphasize the presence of a ritualistic aspect of this installation.
omfg next up Methodology
Output: there’s gonna be a progression of outputs before the entire installation can like come together. the imagery of the poems would come from a completely different context not necessarily related to religion or the church.
- Preferred venues include Parish of the Holy Sacrifice (located within the UP Diliman campus) and the Church of the Gesu (within ADMU).
- Venue will be reserved through correspondence.
- the installation will not disturb the initial layout of the venue.
- written poems will be recorded via a really nice recorder ??? audio will then be distributed to the phones of the “clergymen”, who will guard the Stations.
- the poems within the prayer book will be handled personally.
- the prayer book will be printed and bound by local presses for cheaper prices.
- actors playing the role of clergymen will be picked out from an open call.
- costumes will be commissioned from local tailors for cheaper prices. upon open call for actors, accepted applicants will be asked for their sizes for the garb.
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh so much log stuff i can’t even. okok next Method of Data Collection
- method of data collection will take the form of pictures documenting the writing process, pic and clips of me interacting with people relevant to the project, clips of the recording sessions, pics of the venue.
- during the event itself, I plan to call in personal favors to photograph the installation and the participants. should people approach me, I will ask them if they’re open to taking a picture with me lmao
- documentation will be uploaded in an Instagram account! I will be personally managing this.
im so fucking overwhelmed. hhh last but not least the Process and Timeline
- from March 13 to 31, here’s my plan of attack:*the timeslots are irrelevant. just the days. seeing all of it distributed calmed me down a little bit.
- Materials to be needed:
- Actors (via an open call)
- a printing press (or like a place where I can have the poems printed and bound)
- clerical outfits
- priest outfit
- camera phone/camera/video camera (to document the experience)
- IG account!!!
- Schedule for the actors on the day of the exhibit itself (which will be in the last week of March–final day/s are yet to be specified on in accordance with the venue) will be discussed at the meeting on March 20.
wow this was a fucking rollercoaster im shooker than San Andreas smh
im still excited tho!!!! just a lot more nervous and a LOT more overwhelmed.
It’s 9:06 P.M. A nap sounds good right about now tbh